Chuck Norris sends a still photo of him roundhouse-kicking some thug every year to the IRS. He has never had to pay income tax as a result. Under Chuck Norris' beard is not his chin--only another fist. Chuck Norris went back in time to teach himself how to go back in time, so he could go back in time to teach himself how to go back in time. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father. Whenever Chuck Norris decides to donate blood, he foregoes the syringe and demands--and gets--a gun and bucket. Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He does "earth-downs." There is only one person the devil hates more than Jesus--Chuck Norris. Superman can only be killed in two ways: 1. Kryptonite. 2. Chuck Norris. I've got TONS more of these "Norrisms," but my new sig is getting long already. Besides, I'm being held at knife-point by Chuck Norris.